In my neighborhood it’s like some kind of childish game to see who can have a lawn that looks perfect, green, and like a carpet. My neighbor Danny sprays poison all over the place that nearly gags me and then he has this chemical company come over every month and spray dye on the lawn. What pisses him off is that I use your Lawn Food and my lawn looks better than his and I don’t have to wear a chemical suit every time I walk outside my house onto my grass.

Joshua Scahill, Lawn Enthusiast